what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
