Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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