How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize