White coat. Heels.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Holy sore nipples Batman
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
