I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
