Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
