yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
