The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
