She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize