he wants to bone in the snuggie
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
