Four minutes until I can fart!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
