I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
