Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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