Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
be right there i have to get my cape
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
