I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
