If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I looked at my own cervix.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
