Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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