Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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