fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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