What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just invented taco cereal.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
