If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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