i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
