I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
