im six kinds of drunk right now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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