Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
