Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
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