Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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