What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize