I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
