we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
