Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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