Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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