I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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