if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
