Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
