my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
