Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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