i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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