i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
