my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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