ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
