He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
