i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
