I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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