My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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