guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
