somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
