She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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