it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize