I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
