Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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