A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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