I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
