god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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