I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
