To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm like, not good at living.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
