are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
