You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
