I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
