Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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