dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
