I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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