I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
