Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
