He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
