guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
