you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
