I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
