Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize