either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
