Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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