is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
