I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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