I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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