i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
