No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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