Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Vodka?
Forever.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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