I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
