i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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