Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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