Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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