I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
