totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize