yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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