if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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