I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
