I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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