if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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