if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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