i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
