Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
