where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize