I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
