Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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