I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
