she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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