I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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