if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
