oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Randomize
