need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
how does that bad decision feel?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
